TEASER:

Hong: "MY WHAT NOW!!?"

Me: "You were saying?"

Hong: "Oh, guess what I saw when I entered my room last night?"

Me: "Your roommate f*cking your other roommate."

Hong: "NO."

Me: "Your roommate j*rking off with the m*st*rb*t*ng sleeve he illegally smuggled into the boy's dorm."

Hong: "What!? NO! How'd you even know about that!!?"

Me: "Your roommate watching cheap p*rn on his laptop with his hands in his pants."

Hong: "YES! I mean- NO! I mean- THAT'S NOT EVEN THE POINT HERE!"

Me: "Then what is?"

Hong: "Monkey! A dead monkey."

Me: (...)

Hong: (...)

Me: "YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT YOUR S*X**LLY SORRY EXCUSE FOR A ROOMMATE F*CK*D A MONKEY TO DEATH AND AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH TO SATISFY HIS SH*TTY *SS HE EVEN HAD TO CONTINUE THE DEED WITH CHEAP P*RN!!?"

Hong: "F*CK. NO."

Me: "So he was just touching himself with a dead monkey in the room?"

Hong: "Yes. No. Wait. Are you sure you're writing a story about your life experiences with monkeys and not my roommate's lack of experience with s*x?"

Me: (GASP) "Gosh, you're right! I just thought it'd be funny for my readers."

Hong: "YOUR WHAT NOW!!?"