A bracing, hilarious manifesto for motherhood as it ought to be: spontaneous, loving, and just a little bit selfish Pre-chewing toddler food. Flash cards for two-year-olds. Endless hours of school gatherings to sit through in smiling silence. How did motherhood-which even under the best circumstances comes with a million small costs and compromises-become a venue for female martyrdom, verging on a sort of socially approved mass masochism? How did the great natural force of maternal love get channeled into a simpering, slavish adherence to an inflexible social norm, a repressive sentimentality festooned with hideous pastel baby accessories? How did the bar to good motherhood get set so high that it's impossible for modern mothers not to feel like they're failing? It doesn't have to be this way-and Daisy Waugh is here to tell us how to opt out of the masochism cycle. Part feminist manifesto, part hilarious rant, The Kids Will Be Fine asks modern mothers to stop confusing love with subjugation. This is a book for moms everywhere who are fed up with the constant stream of unsolicited, impractical, guilt-inducing advice directed their way; for moms who have always secretly suspected that children would turn out okay even without handmade organic snacks or protective toddler headgear. With biting wit and lancing observations, Waugh gives women permission to slough off the judgments, order in some pizza, and remember that motherhood is also about the mother.

Daisy Waugh is a weekly humor columnist writing on family for The Sunday Times of London, among other publications, a presenter on BBC radio, and a novelist. She lives in London with her husband and three children.

Motherhood: Some Potentially Liberating Observations 1

Part I: Pregnancy and Birth ?And Some Pragmatic Suggestions

1. Baby on Board 19?
2. Being Public Property 23?
3. Things to Avoid When Pregnant 25?
4. Shopping for Baby 30?
5. What Not to Buy 34?
6. Bonding with Your Bump 40?
7. Dads in Prenatal Classes 41?
8. Fathers at the Birth 43?
9. Writing a Birth Plan 46?
10. Don't Call Me Mom 49

Part II: Baby Care?And Some Possible Shortcuts

1. Bonding 53?
2. Breast Beating 56?
3. Breast Pump 59?
4. Babies at Night 60?
5. Leaving Babies to Cry 62?
6. Disposable Diapers 64?
7. Feeding Baby 66?
8. Bedtime, Routines, and Early Starts 69?
9. Bedtime and Alcohol 71?
10. Sex 74

Part III: Child Care?Because Easygoing Parenting Saves You Time and Money and Is Good for the Whole Family

1. Unparenting 79?
2. Guilt 81?
3. More Guilt (To Work or Not to Work?) 84?
4. Child Care 90?
5. The Unspoken Battle 92?
6. Soppy Dads 95?
7. Stay-at-Home Dads 97?
8. Feeding Children 99?
9. Allergies, Intolerances, and Other Health Alerts 103?
10. Seeing the Doctor 105?
11. Mother's Day 107?
12. Father's Day 107?
13. Fathers and Daughters 108?
14. Birthday Parties 110?
15. Other People's Children 113

Part IV: School

1. Nursery School 119?
2. First Day: Having a Little Cry 121?
3. Snobbery 122?
4. School Entrance 122?
5. Supermothers 125?
6. Conversations About Schools 129?
7. Sniffles, Sickly Children, and Staying Home ?from School 130?
8. Homework 132?
9. Tutors 134?
10. Nits 135?
11. School Meetings Requiring the Presence of ?Quietly Smiling Moms 137?
12. After-School Activities, School Holidays, ?and Day Camps 142?
13. Watching Children Enjoying Hobbies 145?
14. Fund-Raising 147?
15. Distressing Cakes 150

Part V: Charm School

1. Good Manners and Charm 155?
2. Swearing 157?
3. Sexualization of Children 160?
4. Lying 162?
5. To Lie or Not to Lie? 167?
6. Santa Claus 167?
7. Picking Up Children After "Playdates" 169?
8. Saying "Playdate" 173?
9. Sleepovers 173?
10. Dressing for the Weather 176?
11. Chauffeuring and Public Transportation 178?
12. Kiddie Safety Kit 180?
13. Sports Equipment (Lost and Found) 182?
14. Godparents 184?
15. Thank-You Letters 186?
16. Squabbling Children 188?
17. Children Unattended 190?
18. Police 191?
19. Punishment 194?
20. Drugs 195?
21. Boundaries 197?
22. A Mother Is Not a Friend 201?
23. Boredom 203?
24. The Epiphany 205?
25. The Magic of Childhood 208
Christmas Eve 211?
Index 215