Josh and Laura Harper have been married for five years, and in that time they've mastered the art of being responsible adults, paying bills, saving for a house they can't quite afford, and living the kind of sensible life that doesn't include things like actual honeymoons.
When Laura discovers a Getawayr deal offering five nights at a luxury Caribbean eco-resort for just $347, she sees it as their chance to finally have the romantic getaway they've been putting off.
Josh sees it as obviously too good to be true.
But Laura's optimism wins out, and soon they're on a plane to paradise. Except "paradise" turns out to be Paraíso Estates, a half-built resort run by Derek, an overly cheerful manager with a suspicious smile and a phone that never stops buzzing.
The place is beautiful, the food is incredible, and they're the only guests. Well, almost. There's one other couple, the nervous Vandermeres, who disappear after the first night.
When Josh and Laura start asking questions, they discover that their discount vacation package comes with an unexpected bonus: a front-row seat to an international smuggling operation.
What follows is a comedy of errors as Josh and Laura attempt to escape from a resort they willingly paid to visit.
Along the way, Derek offers them "employment opportunities" in his "logistics business" (that's drug smuggling, but with better branding), they discover Carmen the chef is actually an undercover DEA agent, and they learn that the worst vacation of your life makes for the best story.
Told with sharp sarcastic wit and authentic married-couple banter, "Five Stars, Would Not Recommend" is a darkly comedic thriller about what happens when optimism meets reality, discount travel meets organized crime, and two ordinary people find themselves in an extraordinarily terrible situation.
It's a story about student loans, bad decisions, excellent Caribbean cuisine, and the lengths people will go to for a honeymoon that doesn't involve a Holiday Inn in Indianapolis.
This novel combines the humor of everyday marital dynamics with the tension of a crime caper, all set against the backdrop of a tropical paradise that's slightly more criminal than advertised.