As any parent will note, raising a child doesn't come with an instruction manual. The illusion is that after the hard work of guiding the first eighteen years of your child's life, you'll box up all concern and hand it off to the next batch of new parents. Your child, you believe, will have entered a successful, carefree adulthood, and you can kiss worry goodbye.

That's rarely reality. What's more, you realize there's no instruction manual for transforming into the parent of a grown child either. Almost instantly, you have no control over your adult children. Yet you continue to worry, offer unsolicited advice, and/or wish to stay more connected than allowed. The relationship becomes more confusing than ever.

Parenting is an ancient task for which few of the norms and expectations have changed throughout the centuries. In Love out of Control, author Kathleen Phillips examines the lives of characters in the Gospels, then takes a step back to consider how gospel-era parents might have reacted to their grown child's actions and adventures.

The narratives are told as if the gospel-era parent is discussing a situation with their spiritual director, seeking God amid their concern. You're invited to read the gospel parent's tale, then use three questions at the end to examine how it relates to your current situation. By relating to other parents' stories and considering one's own, may there be peace, comfort, and hope.

Kathleen Phillips is a journalist whose talent for listening to the people she interviewed led her to the ministry of spiritual direction. She completed FIND - School for Spiritual Direction and Formation in 2000 and was its director from 2000 to 2024. Phillips co-founded and volunteers at Middleway Urban Monastery, College Station, Texas.