After more than 27 years of writing award-winning newspaper columns, one for 1,417 weeks in a row, Mark K. Campbell has gathered his 70 best.

Find out about man-breasts, sacred sandwiches, why it's good to pass gas, what to do if you find yourself inside a giant crab, how a man experienced a mammogram, firing a shotgun through a bed, why bears are the most evil creatures on Earth, the weirdest story in the Bible, why you should never own a duck, how to tackle a sheep, test tube meat, why you don't want to hear "Bless your heart," and, of course, the hilarious tale of the snake in the dishwasher.

And that's just a smattering of the columns! All 70 will leave you laughing or thinking ... or both!