Everybody knows that the schools of the Ivy League -- universally touted as the pinnacle of American higher education -- have graduated countless political leaders, corporate titans, and global power brokers. But did you know these schools have also produced murderers, warmongers, traitors, plagiarists, slave traders, pederasts, and every other variety of moral reprobate?

Whether you're a high school student grinding away in the hope of gaining admission to one of these institutions, a parent propelling a child toward Ivy glory, a current Ivy League undergraduate wondering "What the hell is this place?" -- or even an Ivy League alum, professor, administrator, or dropout -- this book was written specifically for you. As a warning. Because there are certain things -- monstrous things -- that go unmentioned in the catalog, campus tour, or employment package.

And if your Ivy League application was rejected, here's compelling and consoling evidence of how lucky you are.

Ellis Weiner is the only person, dead or alive, who has published in the National Lampoon (where he was an editor), Spy (where he wrote a column), and The New Yorker (where he still appears). He is co-author, with Barbara Davilman, of Yiddish With Dick and Jane, Yiddish With George and Laura, How to Raise a Jewish Dog, The Big Jewish Book for Jews, and other titles. He is founder and editor-in-chief of the Sherman Oaks Review of Books, a "channel" of the Los Angeles Review of Books, which debuted in 2016.

Steve Radlauer is the author or co-author of six books. He was a contributing editor at Spy magazine and has contributed to Esquire, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, and others. He has worked in television as a writer and producer and has written and produced films that have appeared in venues as diverse as Saturday Night Live, Sesame Street, and the New York Film Festival.

Randy Jones is an illustrator whose work has appeared in the National Lampoon, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Newsweek, Time, US News & World Report, and many other publications.